Top 10 Profiles: December

1. Ben Affleck (NEW)
2. Jesus Christ (+3)
3. Sandra Bullock (+3)
4. Mel Gibson (-2)
5. Adolf Hitler (-1)
6. Harrison Ford (+1)
7. Scarlett Johansson (+1)
8. Robert De Niro (+5)
9. Kevin Bacon (0)
10. Mel Brooks (+2)

Profile: Lyle Alzado

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=964

Alzado died in 1992, but he gave a final interview to Sports Illustrated earlier that year in which he admitted to using steroids since 1969(!) and claimed that 90% of athletes of the time were using.

That baseball owners, media, etc. could then come out in the early aughts and say they didn't know that players were using steroids and could not have known and they're just shocked and blah blah blah is so ludicrous and yet we all just nod along with the music.... We knew, they knew, we all knew. To pretend that we were somehow hoodwinked by those sneaky sneaky players and then damn them for it doesn't act as absolution for our own complicity. Sorry.

In any case, Alzado was suggested by Sheldon from Iowa. That's our second Iowa-based suggestion this week! Craziness...

Jews in the News: RIP Avi Cohen

Avi Cohen, one of Israel's first soccer stars, passed away on December 29 after a car crash. Cohen was the first Israeli to play in England, signing for Liverpool in 1979. He also represented Israel in the 1976 Summer Olympics. Cohen was 54.

Profile: Darren Aronofsky

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=965

Aronofsky was suggested by Gabriela from LA, Liora from Brazil, long-term suggestion champ Moishe from La Jolla, and Yakov's friend Barry.

But this profile would not be possible without this article on Jewlicious.

Profile: Osip Mandelstam

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=963

So, basically, here we have a verdict dilemma. Mandelstam converted out, but basically did it so he can go to college, and didn't practice Christianity. Usually, when people convert out, "Borderline" is as high as we go -- and for modern conversions, "Barely". But since this can be considered a forced conversion, definitely without any religious undertones, we'll go with "Jew" here. It's our website, after all.

Moishe is now Zev

Nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes I go by my maiden name.

Profile: Ryan Kalish

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=962

Zev thinks I'm being too hard on Kalish with this one, but I just find the whole concept of "coming out" as a Jew to be so ridiculous....

Anyway, Kalish was suggested by John from New Hampshire, Arnold from Cambridge, and Bob from Iowa. Thanks guys!

Profile: Andre Citroen

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=961

Citroen was suggested by Jewgeni from Germany/Russia. Thanks for the suggestion... Jew(?)geni.

Profile: Santa Claus

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=960

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas, goyim!

Here we break the un-coveted -1 score for only the second time in JONJ history. The first? Oh boy.

Profile: Mel Torme

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=959

This profile would not be possible without this excellent compilation at Tablet Magazine.

Torme was suggested by Maurice from Mount Kisco, NY and Bill from North Miami Beach.

Profile: Shyne

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=958

The Shyne-y one was suggested by Harry from NY (yes, the same Harry that suggested Jim Palmer. What can we say? He had a good month.), Shelley from NJ, Aaron from Toronto and--believe it or not--my parents.

Thanks everyone!

Profile: Jacques Joseph

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=957

If you start to type in "why do j" into Google, the first suggestion is "why do jews have big noses". Sigh. But then...

Profile: Job

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=956

The picture in the profile is from "Job Prays" by Marc Chagall.

Profile: Mikhail Prokhorov

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=955

Had no idea Prokhorov was partly Jewish prior to this New York Times article. He was suggested by Alexander from Lakewood, NJ and Shelley from Basking Ridge, NJ.

Profile: Jim Palmer

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=954

Yakov doesn't have time to blog about today's profile, so here's Jim Palmer, Hall of Fame Pitcher, for The Money Store:



Palmer was suggested by returning suggester Harry from NY, Chuck from Phoenix, MD, and Alan from California.

Profile: Stefan Zweig

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=953

One of the most popular writers in the world in the 1920s and 30s, and he's almost obscure now. Makes you think what will happen to today's authors down the line...

Thanks to multiple-time-returner Mila from Alexandria for the suggestion!

Profile: Judith Light

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=952

Sometimes we do a profile of someone from my childhood and I think, wow, if only I had known they were Jewish at the time! That really would have been something!

This is not one of those profiles.

Also, Alyssa Milano: Sadly, Not a Jew.

Profile: Michael Stuhlbarg

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=951

Stuhlbarg is also Arnold Rothstein on just-mentioned Boardwalk Empire.

Settling the Score: Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Originally, our profile posed the question, is Julia's mother Jewish? Thanks to reader Michael, we are now pretty sure she is not (see Julia's maternal ancestry here). But that still leaves Julia herself.

There's a supposed cross she's seen wearing (we've never seen it). There's a supposed radio appearance from the 90s when she said she's not Jewish (we've never heard it). Well, "Borderline Jew" makes sense until further proof is found...

Update: thanks to the commenter and this video. So no, she doesn't consider herself Jewish. "Barely a Jew" it is... And a profile re-write. Oh well.

Profile: Ben Affleck

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=950

Before you ask: no, Matt Damon is not Jewish either. Not even close. But he did send his daugther to a Jewish preschool... for a short while. So there's that.

Affleck was suggested by Norm from LA.

Profile: Gim Allon

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=948

As it is written, so it shall be done: By the time the profile ran (i.e., today), I'm feeling much better, thank you. At least, I was when I wrote the blog post. Which is now for me, but yesterday for you. So by now I may be feeling down again? Hope not.

Man this time traveling is hard. Not sure how Brainiac-5 does it all the time. Since this is a comic book post I guess it's time for me to rant about what DC has done to the Legion, but considering how little energy they've put into this latest reboot ("ah, let's just pretend the last 15 years never happened and hope all the readers come back"), why should I put any more thought into complaining about it?

Profile: Isaac Bashevis Singer

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=949

One more for the venerable 15 Club! Take that, Barbra Streisand.

Profile: Lou Gehrig

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=947

This is actually a running joke I have with Mrs. Yakov. We go on long drives on occasion and this is one of the bits we do to pass the time (the other is Yoda calling sports radio to complain about the Mets. Yes, really). Anyway, couldn't resist the opportunity to bring it out of the world of our minds and onto the Intertubes. Good times.

The Iron Horse was suggested by Penny from NYC (hope your hands are growing back nicely) who noted that the Yankees may have actually believed Gehrig was Jewish when they signed him and that, further, Gehrig counted a mezuzah among his many lucky talismans.

Thanks for the suggestion, Penny!

Profile: Al Lewis

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=946

There are so many lies and half-truths Lewis had told, it doesn't end with the ones mentioned in the profile. For instance, he said he attended Columbia University... not Oswego State Teachers College.

Lewis was suggested by Juan from Texas and Alexandra from Denver.

Profile: Jack Huston

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=945

With our backlog, the profiles that appear on our website are usually written about a month in advance. This one I wrote yesterday... with the Boardwalk Empire finale this Sunday, it was a must.

Profile: Bob Geldof

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=944

Geldof was suggested by Amy from Maryland, Deb from Chicago, and Karl from Australia, who writes, "you must be so pleased and thrilled". Well, Karl, not really...

Profile: Mike Greenberg

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=943

Greenie has been floating around my head since I started driving to work again about six months ago (before that I was taking the train and listening to podcasts. Bill Simmons FTW!). Anyway, finally got around to writing his profile.

But all plaudits aside, I'd throw it all away for the return of Mike and the Mad Dog. Mike on his own is just...creepy.

Top 10 Profiles: November

1. Kate Middleton (+441)
2. Mel Gibson (+1)
3. Whoopi Goldberg (+17)
4. Adolf Hitler (+1)
5. Jesus Christ (-1)
6. Sandra Bullock (-5)
7. Harrison Ford (+6)
8. Scarlett Johansson (-6)
9. Kevin Bacon (+9)
10. Steve Carell (-2)

Profile: Joey Bishop

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=942

Bishop is a leftover from the David Cross profile. When I wrote this, Moishe was surprised by my choice of the Chicago Bulls. I think he felt it was a little out of my wheelhouse.

For the record, I would have gone Alpha: Kirk, Spock, Bones. Support: Uhura, Sulu, Scotty. Loser: Chekhov. Or perhaps Alpha: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman. Support: Martian Manhunter, Flash, Green Lantern. Loser: Aquaman.

But then, you probably had those things already figured out...

Profile: Alan Freed

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=941

We actually got an email complaining that we said that Jews practically invented rap. So I jokingly told Yakov that will soon make the claim that Jews invented rock and roll. A few days later, we got the suggestion from Slava from Baltimore to profile Freed.

Profile: Joaquin Phoenix

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=940

When Phoenix was suggested by Elizabeth from Columbus, Valerie from Ontario, Bob from New York, and repeat suggester Anne from Dallas, they probably didn't expect... this.

Profile: Gordon Gekko

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=938

Thanksgiving is today, so we would like to thank all of our suggesters, and especially all our repeat suggesters -- Joe from Scanton here -- for helping to keep our site going!

Profile: Prince Albert

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=939

With all the Kate Middleton inquiries, we got our share of British royal suggestions. Prince Albert's possible Jewishness is clearly the best one. Thanks, Josh from London!

Profile: Andre Geim

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=937

Geim was suggested by our blog commenters. And yes, Yakov, he actually did levitate frogs:

Profile: Andrey Moiseyev

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=936

Obviously, this profile is just an excuse to write about the wonderful absurdity of modern pentathlon. I want to thank my former co-worker, "The Slider", for teaching me about the origins of the sport. I miss you, Slider!

Profile: Arthur Fonzarelli

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=935

The Fonz was suggested by Samuel from Pennsylvania, who called him "the best fictional Jewish figure ever." Sadly, we can't agree...

Profile: Greg Camarillo

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=934

In the Jeremy Bloom profile, I wrote: "So we feel pretty safe in saying there haven't been any Jewish wide receivers in the NFL. Certainly not in the last 20 years. Maybe not ever." That's still sort-of right: Julian Edelman owns up to his Jewish heritage, but doesn't really go beyond that. And Camarillo does celebrate Christmas...

Long live the princess queen?

Yesterday, the engagement of England's Prince William and Kate Middleton became news. Ever since, people have been flocking to our website to read her profile.

We might just have to crown a new queen... of our website. Sorry, Sandra.

Profile: Judit Polgar

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=933

Wow, this is our 1 2 3 4 5 6th chess profile! No, Chess Players are not getting their own category. Not yet, at least...

Mind Phunk ~ 11/16/2010

You're so amazing, you took the time to figure me out

That's why you take me, way past the point of turning me on

You bout to break me, I swear you got me loosing my mind

- Rihanna @ "What's My Name?" ft. Drake

Profile: Michael Bay

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=932

Still haven't seen "Transformers". 1 or 2. I like movies with, what's the word... plot.

Bay was suggested by Loren from Las Vegas, Corey from New Jersey, and Menny from Israel.

Profile: Louis Brandeis

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=931

What's this? Another perfect score? The 15 Club grows...

Brandeis is the fourth Supreme Court Justice we've profiled. He was suggested by Jeff from New York.

Magic of Cyberspace

I was over at Ryan's place yesterday for a group study. It was the two of us with a couple of other friends of mine. We had collected over at Ryan's place because all of his family was away so there would be no disturbances and interruptions. I made sure that some girls were coming before heading over myself. If it's just boys, absolutely no studying gets accomplished and the entire time goes by with us fooling around. Girls have this magical ability to keep the guys in line.

After everyone left, Ryan invited me to his room. He wanted to show me something. He switched on the monitor screen, "Did you stumble on some new type of porn?", I asked. Sometime ago Ryan shared a clip with me of some white dude screwing a pig. It wasn't porn, just a video shot with a cheap video camera. For some ridiculous reason, Ryan found it incredibly funny. I found it plain senseless. Was that guy so frigg'in desperate?, I wondered.

"You have got to check these guys out!", Ryan told me excitedly. He opened a gay networking site and logged into his account.

"You know I hate these places, right?", I asked Ryan as I saw what he was upto.

"Whatever! You still gotta see these dudes! I can't believe Pakistan how so many good looking guys!", Ryan said without taking his eyes off the screen. "And here, I thought I was the only adonis to grace our wattan ki mitti! (Translation; Nation's soil!)"

I laughed at his arrogance and wit, only Ryan can meld the two. I have to admit some of those guys were extremely good looking, even though alot of them had not sported on their face pics on their profiles. But with a bod like that, he could be a 'Brown Bag Special' for all I care.

"Why the sudden interest? As far as I know, you have had your account for quite some time. You must have already hooked up with several of them!" I told him.

"Okay, I'm hurt now!" he objected. "I do not hook up as much as you expect me to. Also you are extremely judgmental about hooking up, so for just a small time I want you to open up that little noggin of yours!"

As he scrolled through the various profiles, I realized that not all of the guys present were sex-starved beasts. Some of them actually seemed decent. There were even a few looking for relationship or friends. I haven't really gone to these sites before because of my firm opinion that these places are the collecting point for everything that I find unappealing about gays. "So what is it that you wanted to show me?", I asked impatiently.

"A few days back I was scrolling through Facebook and I came across your profile." he told me.

"So what? You do know I have a profile and I used to be on your list!" I told him back.

"I mean your other profile!", he told again laying emphasis on the word 'other'. I realized what he meant by that. "Why? Why create another one?" he asked me. "Why do you keep on creating gay profiles on these social networking sites?"

I didn't know how to respond to that. "To interact with other gay guys obviously!", I told him blankly.

"Then why not do it where it's actually meant to be done?", he asked me. "These are gay social networking sites!", he told me. "These are meant for gay guys to interact, whether they want to hook-up or make friends or even get involved!"

I was still silent. I did not know how to respond to his statement. He wasn't wrong after all.

"I'm not telling you to shut down your Facebook profile. But whatever you do their, you can do that here and have a greater shot at getting something in return!", Ryan explained.

"I don't expect anything in return!"

"I know you are looking for friends. So why not make friends that you can actually meet up with?", he asked. "I understand you have all these great friends from India, UK, Australia and where not! But won't it be better to actually have friends you could go out with and sit down with!", he explained.

"I have!", I told him. "I have you! You're gay! You're my friend!" I joked.

"Did you just flirt with me?", he asked.

"If the shoe fits!"

"You did!" Ryan laughed. "Still it doesn't change the fact that you are doing it all wrong! Also I'm bi-sexual"

Ignoring the last face, I asked him"If I'm doing it all wrong, how come I haven't messed up yet?"

"Look! There is a way one should do thing and you are doing it wrong. I can't tell you what to do and what not to do. You're 22. You can do that yourself now!"

"You are sounding alot like my mom now, you know?", I told him. "It's so unappealing!" I joked.

"Whatever!" Ryan replied. "You have no idea what you're missing!". He shut off the monitor once again and we talked abit about random stuff. I left a little while later, had to reach home before dark. Later that night when I was doing my late night e-mail checking ritual, I visited the same night. I wondered if it would be worth it making an account there. I'm not looking for a relationship. I want friends. Facebook and Orkut have been very good at doing that job uptill now. I'm content with what I have.

Quoting the words of a recent extremely bright 17 year old I started communicating with recently, I can't help but agree.

But we are free to bare our souls here...as people who shall most probably never meet...it is ironic how you may not get to see another face to face all their life but still get to know them well...this is the magic of cyberspace!

Not Like The Movies

In my previous post I talked about one of my insecurities, in this post I am going to be telling you about Nathan's biggest insecurity regarding me. Nathan was always surprised at the amount of gays guys I knew, both on and off the Internet.

Being fairly new to the whole process of befriending a complete stranger from the Internet, he didn't exactly get the charm or the sense in becoming good friends with somebody from the Internet. I explained that it's a nice break from the drama that is going on in my mind. I can talk about how much I love Lady GaGa and have no judging glances scan me from head to toe. Everybody here is facing more or less of the same dilemma, so the whole point of just being yourself even if it's just from behind the movie is like an instant relief.

My net contacts were however not an issue for Nathan. I told him clearly that some of them are friends and some of them they are really good friends. Yes, I do want to meet a few of them. But I can very honestly say that there is nothing beyond friendship between us.

"And what about Ryan?", asked Nathan.

Nathan, aside from being skeptical of being in a gay relationship due to religious and social obligations, was skeptical that he is going to be the third wheel. He was concerned that if at any point Ryan would come forward and express any romantic interest in me, I'll dump him for Ryan. I laughed a little at the insecurity. He backed up his argument by telling me about a few movies who's plot involved the same story. About two best friends being in love or one of them being in love with the other. Only when the other finds another person to spend his or her life with, does the lover inside the friend get ignited and there starts a crazy cycle of push-n-pull and some large crazy emotional drama. All of which ends in the new guy getting dumped and the two best friends making their own happily ever after. He feared that this might happen to him and he really doesn't want to be hurt all over again.

Before he had explained his theory to me, I was laughing on the inside. But after listening to it, I literally had my stomach tied in knots from laughing really hard. I really didn't know how to explain that his insecurity was baseless to him without making him feel stupid. I had already been through this with him earlier when he felt that Christian could upstage him very easily. I took care of that easily, explaining that Christian and I can never fall in love. We've gotten so used to being friends, that we don't want it to change. Our ideas match on several levels, but we both know that we don't want to exchange it for anything else. Besides a previous experience with Christian led me to have a firm grip on the idea that Christian only sees me as a really good friend. I explained to Nathan that just like Christian, Ryan is also just a very good friend. Just because we're both gay, doesn't mean that we have to fall in love with each other.

He argued that Ryan is present in my life on a regular basis. I meet him daily. I talk to him daily. I hang out with him everyday. We share food and we're practically always flirting, or at least he's flirting with me. And it has been like this, since about 3 years. How can we not have any feelings towards eachother?, he argued.

Exactly! We have known each other for 3 years. If anything was meant to happen, it would have happened by now. We have even kissed once and it led to nothing. It's a memory that we laugh over at times when we are alone and think how foolish we were to do it. If I had any feelings, I would have definitely said them to Ryan by now. Ryan is also not the relationship kind. This is not my opinion, he has said this himself several times. He is somewhat skeptical when it comes to gay relationships, which was something Nathan and Ryan shared in common.

I told him that this is real life and in real life, always expect the unexpected. This bug kept biting Nathan for quite some time, it was only until when we dated in the summer that it went away. Nathan was however late in mentioning this detail to me. He was super sure then that I was indeed crazy about him and as he put it, 'Ryan didn't stand a chance!' LOL! It takes just a second for men to become boys and vice versa.

Before I forget or skip over it like the last time I got another award from Falen, the proud owner of Colorful Rants of a Fed-Up Sista. This time it's the ultra-cool IDGAF Award, the full form is I Don't Give A F*ck. Firstly I never really expected to get this one, but I'm so happy that I got it. Look at how cool and green it is;

I got three awards to pass on and I'm so not getting the time to do it. Argh! So here's the thing my 101th post is going to the official 'Spread the Love' post and I'm going to be putting down the blogs I think deserve the award. I really hope to come across more brilliant blogs by then, so that I can spread the love even more. Till the next time, take care!